Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
