just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
