i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
