Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
