Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
