We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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