just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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