I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
