used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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