I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
