$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
