PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
