and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
