Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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