So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
