We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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