I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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