did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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