I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
