No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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