I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He did a backflip because drugs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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