She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
