she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
