then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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