Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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