Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
