mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
