I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
