If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
