We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
