Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
