I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
