you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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