Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
