One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
