Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
third nipple confirmed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
