im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
