she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
