I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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