Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
