tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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