I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
