I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
