She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
