i don't like sucking hair
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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