Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Come on in and take your pants off
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