i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
