so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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