Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
