Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
